It’s sometimes a hard slog trying to change your habits. Work and life sometimes gets in the way.
I am super tired, work was a long day, i am battling against some bullying from someone who does not deserve my time. I have lived through bullying most of my life. Not only from others but of myself too, but i am ready to show my strength, i am fighting back, but its taking a bit of a toll on my mental health.
Negative thoughts, feelings and others actions make me feel really tired. I know i shouldn’t allow it to effect me, and its part of my growing process, but then at the same time i wish that people would just mind their own business and find their own lives. This is the life of an empath.
I was once called a marter and i didnt know why i would be called that, but when i doctor googled it, i realised that i would rather fall on my sword than to continue fighting against a narcissist. Sometimes it the more simple way of survival in the world, but then sometimes you need to take that sword out of your heart and slay the demons that are trying to take over your life.
Rant over, time to pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with it. Just as i was always taught to do.
So my three tasks today were.
1. Walk my client to the shops.
2. Go to my Pilates class
3. Only have one coffee and drink more water.
I live a honest life, and give honest answers, because that is what i was taught not only as a child, but also within the rooms of AA. So i will always tell the truth about how i have really gone with my tasks.
I have completed all my tasks, except i had two cups of coffee. Late this afternoon, i felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and i just needed to get through the rest of the day.
Excuses i know, but it is something i am going to work on. The excuses that is. After all i am only at day 4. 😁
My walk consisted of pushing my client in her wheelchair up to the local shopping center, instead of driving, which i have been doing recently, because of it being the winter months. I never really realised how hilly my suburb was until i started working in a disability support house and taking out my client out. It is nice that i work so close to home. So close that i can walk there and back if i wanted to, i will start again when it starts warming up.
While i did drink two cups of coffee i did make a conscience decision and made a flask of hot peppermint tea and took my water flask with me, which i finished as well. I found i didnt want to eat as much, after drinking the tea.
I did consider cancelling my pilates class at 5pm, it was getting over cast and started to rain on me as i pulled up to the gym, but i arrived early and used some of my time to sit in their massage chair and let it massage away all my stresses from the day. It made me very sleepy. I had hoped that the pilates class would be a nice calm class with not a lot of leg work. I was very wrong. It was murder through some of it, but thats only because my hips are still hurting, in certain positions.
Its all about practice, and keeping it up, and not giving up.
Tomorrow is a two hour shift at work, and i have the rest of the day off, so i am going to choose three things that are not very hard, but in my mind need to be done.
1. Do at least one class at the gym. Not sure which one yet.
2. Clean up my office and reorganize it, to make it a better work place for me to write.
3. Start working on my “Two little wombats” story that is already started, but fear and Procrastination has stopped me in my tracks, regarding this story. I have a good story, but it needs more meat added to the bones.
Hope everyone has had a wonderful day. Xxx