Oh Sunday how i love you. The day of rest, they say. Today we packed up our sad 6 year old granddaughter who didn’t want to go home. We felt the same. It always feels like we just got to our retreat, and sat down. Time goes far to quickly when we are there.
The best part of coming home today was coming home to my 12 year old blue heeler.
I hate leaving him behind, he was my saviour as i was for him. He only comes now and then now. We have to help him in and out of the car, but he loves it when he gets to go in the back of the ute, so he can bark at the cows as we go by. It depends on whats going on, if there is going to be a lot of people or we know there is fireworks, then he stays home and either our nephew or a friend of mine stays with him. I think maybe we will leave the bullpug home and just take my knucklehead, next time. Give him more time with us.
Over the weekend, i have given a lot of thought to my Procrastination and i have had a Lightbulb moment!
My Procrastination has lead to many things in my life, not just my house. My Procrastination has taken away my self confidence. Since my breakdown, i realise i have done more to myself than just procrastination. I have forgotten who i really am.
I admit that my life got out of control, before my breakdown, my self ego and my people pleasing drove me into the ground. I wanted everyone around me to be happy. I thought i was making my self happy, but i really wasn’t. I wasn’t making anyone happy.
I was a stage 5 Klingon. Those who really loved me saw what was happening, but i didn’t. I thought i needed all these things, thought that i had to do all these things by a certain age or time, i was in denial.
So this has to become my mantra, in solving my Procrastination and bringing back my self confidence.
Over the weekend i went on a binge with soft drinks and junk. I felt sick from having two and a half cans of coke, but i still put more into my body like the hopeless addict that i am. I rationalized with myself told myself its only for the weekend, but i know its now put me back at step 1.
My addiction to food, began when i had my breakdown and my Procrastination took over.
So everyday i have to work not only on my Procrastination but to build my self confidence again.
So tomorrow is a new day, and my tasks will be.
Task 1. Go to the gym.
Task 2. Confess my binge to my trainer. Because i have to have an honest program.
Task 3. Dont beat myself up to much. It is life after all, and i am not perfect.