Procrastination has not always been part of my life. When i was a kid, i didn’t even know what the word meant. In my teens alcohol was my friend and if it didnt involve that then i didnt care. In my 20’s i was a dare devil get up and go go go. In my thirties is when it started to really kick in. Though i was motivated through out most of my thirties, just! because i had my daughter to look after. She was really my only positive motivation. Into my forties and its sometimes been overwhelming easy to procrastinate, even when i haven’t wanted too.
I loved to put on a front, i wanted everyone to see that i was ok and that i could take on the world, but really i was a mess inside.
Last year my future brother inlaw passed away from addiction. He was the same age as me. When my hubby to be and i went to his place to speak to his partner and to try to help her, we were confronted with an untidy front entrance. When she opened up the door, i held my arm up to stop hubby to be from entering, because i could see the mound of rubbish that was piled up to the ceiling.
It was like a Lightbulb moment. It made me realise that is how mental disease looks. A little scruffy on the outside, but a garbage tip on the inside. So full of shit, you dont know where to begin for the clean up.
You can clean up out front, thats easy, but cleaning up the inside is that little bit harder.
But managable with time and a lot of work.
This is a great strategy to get us on our way, and in a way i am aleady doing this everyday by coming here and writting it all down. I dont know how many people read it and i really dont mind who does or doesn’t its about me re learning how to have that confidence again.
I am a very patient woman i know eventually it will all work out. Its all baby steps.
Today in my yoga class i pushed myself that that little bit further, didn’t allow fear to overtake me in new postures or moves. I realise i am not in my twenties anymore and my body does not move as well as it used to, but i dont want it stop working either. I am finding that with doing some exercise everyday, my mood is lifting, i am not losing weight as yet, but i have felt a shift in my mental health.
My weight wont move until my mental health is much better and i have practiced not procrastinating so much.
My third task today was to have some fun. I work every second weekend and i knew the girls i was on with tonight would make me laugh. Its such a better work place, when we can laugh, work in harmony and to take things more lightly. The picture about was a to one of the other girls i work with who can not help herself but to have all the red tins lined up perfectly. To know i can make a joke and to have some good natured fun, certainly makes life that little bit easier.
I didnt get to enjoy spending two hours with an incredible centearian today as she went out with her daughter and granddaughter. The half an hour i did get to spend in her company was just enough. She is one of the most positive people i have ever meet. I hope i am as calm and warm as she is when i am 102.
Tomorrow my tasks will be.
1. Enjoy looking at the wedding cars. This is the one thing hubby to be has told me i have to butt out of when it comes to the wedding.
2. Get some study done. Procrastination has been at work there.
3. Have some relaxion time.
Happy Friday everyone xxx