Winner winner chicken dinner!!! I am still sober. 😁
Some day’s i want to go back to bed and start over.
You know when you have one of those days, when your brain can not actually hold any real information, one of those days when you think maybe your addiction even though you kicked it over 20 years ago has played a trick on you and has actually killed so many brain cells that its now showing kind of days, it’s materialised into some form of dementia kind of day’s.
One of those day’s when everything you touch seems to turn to crap day’s.
Well i feel i had one of those days. Forgot my reading glasses, put things down, forgot where i put them. Everything and everyone seemed like chaos around me.
There didnt seem to be any calm in my day, even when i was in the home of the calmest 102 year old i know did i feel calm. I still felt the serging storm battering me. It was weird. Here i was looking at beautiful messages like this;
And it wasn’t even really sinking in. Usually i would be really fasinated by this and the happiest 102 year old and i would talk about it, but today nothing like that happened.
I sort of left feeling empty.
When i first came back into the rooms seven years ago, i was told that i would eventually be able to stand within what seems like a storm that is going on around me, while remaining cool, calm and collected inside my safe place. I would see the storm raging outside of me, and i would feel protected from it, well today i was sucked in tossed around like a salad and spat out again, because it didn’t taste too good kind of storm.
Not very delightful really!
Most of the time i can stand tall and take on the storm and win, but then we can not always win every battle we face, sometimes, we must admit defeat to be able to move forward, and to save face.
Luckly tomorrow is a new day and when i wake up, maybe my storm will have passed, if its still a little cloudy i think i may take time out to do something constructive, that will take my mind off what ever is creating this storm going on around me.
I will take a long breath in as well and slowly let it out. Repeat until i find my calmness again.
I have faith it will come again.