For a long time i felt that unconsciousness in my world. The numbness of being non existent in my own life. An existence that made me sad and i didn’t even really know how to fight it. Sleep was my salvation for a lot of the time, it starved off of the black dog that plagued me, even though it was still there when i woke up.
When i look at this picture, read those words, it fills me with hope. Hope that i know i am on the right path. I see the tiny leaves growing up out of the rock in her hands and i see strength and courage.
For a long time after i first recovered from my addiction to alcohol, i lived my life full of ego and bravo. I thought i was super human, that i was invincible and that i would be forever in my magic bubble, but bubbles burst, if you dont look after them properly, i didn’t work my 12 step program correctly.
When my bubble burst it blind sighted me, took me down so quickly that i pretty much shriveled up and dried out, like a leaf in the Autumn.
As i have grown and redevelop into the woman i am now, i have had a lot of knocks and scraps.
My fear and procrastination has been the ball and chain that has help me back.
I have found that my recovery from my addiction to procrastination has been like my early recovery from alcohol, fought with fear and anxiety. Somedays are good some not so bad. I am still in my first year of recovery, its the hardest year.
It is the year that we shed our old skin and grow into the new skin that suits our new life better.
I would rather be the the courage that is seen in the picture than the darkness that surrounds her.