365 Days of Recovery from Procrastination

Day 7

Its 11pm and i have realised that i am at the end of the day, and i didn’t take any pictures of my tasks.

I also realise they were not ground breaking, getting me off the fence kind of tasks, that would stop my Procrastination, it was actually Procrastination, with a twist. It made it look like i was actually doing something, when really its pretty much what i do everyday.

Who cares if i only get what i want on the shopping list, or i eat every meal all day like i am supposed too, as for the washing its not something i Procrastinate about ever. I hate having dirty laundry piling up.

Putting away the washing, can sometimes be a chore. Now if i really wanted to put something on the Procrastination list that would be the ironing, i really dislike doing it, but i know our clothes look nicer when they are ironed.

I have had little old ladies trying to get me to be interested in ironing and i can do it, but i would rather not.

I did make a conscience decision to eat more healthy today, there are limited carbs i am allowed on the keto diet, so it did make it intersting in my food choices. By 9m i was craving junk. A habit i need to get out of, which is eating about that time of night. Nothing after 7pm.

When making important life changes, we need to be mindful of everything we do, until it becomes a new habit that we just do.

I should know this i have over come a couple of big addictions, drinking and smoking. Both i thought i wouldn’t be able to give up.

Food i am finding is being as challenging as the last two. But it also can be overcome. Its just one day at a time and making a conscience effort to change.

I have only missed one day at the gym this week, which i am very proud of. Tomorrow i am going to give yoga and Pilates a rest and do a cycle class instead. Do a Pilates class on Sunday.

So for tomorrow’s tasks, i will set for myself,

1. Start cleaning the windows ( something i havent done in nearly five years of living in my house) maybe just the lounge room ones.

2. Feed all of the garden. I had thought to put that on my list for today, but i Procrastinated lol

3. Do more of my writting, i think this important to keep putting up, otherwise i will keep putting it to the side.

Good nighr everyone. Xx

365 Days of Recovery from Procrastination

Day 6

Hospital visits are as boring as bat shit. I was nodding off, while trying to be supportive of my fiancee, while he waited to go in for surgery on his ankle.

9 am rolled round and i was off to Bayside shopping center, while i waited to be called to come back. First thing i did was map my walk. I am loving this app. It even gets squiggly when i am walking around inside the shopping center.

Walking up there also saved me on tripple parking. As i was already paying for parking at the hospital, i didnt want to move the car, pay that parking, then pay for parking at the shopping center and then pay again when i came back to the hospital. Plus the crisp air from the ocean, woke me up as i walked.

I am not a tight arse, but it was far more economical to do it that way. Walking back to the hospital with my task 2, which had been to go to the fruit shop inside the shopping center, laden down with a bag full of fruit and veg, reminded me of when i was a young single mum, who had to plan all her shopping around the walk i had to do to get to the shops and back. I think i must of had hugh muscles back then, because todays single bag and my handbag was heavy enough and back then i would have several bags on each arm.

I did treat myself to breakfast and a coffee. It was nice to do that, something i used to do when i was a single woman. It was really lovely to sit, enjoy my coffee eat my breakfast of avocado and feta ( avocado was a bit ordinarily),but not too bad, read my magazine, before heading off to get my shopping and get my eyebrows done.

Task 1, was to do some writing, which i started to do when i came back to the hospital. I didnt start on my two little womabats story, but another one i am building up and giving more substance too.

I started this story about a year ago and i knew i needed to continue working on it, but have put it off, but i am glad i worked on it today, it really flowed.

Having access to my stories from different devices, helps to keep the excuses away. I think also writing here ever day is helping to open up my story writting again. Its giving me confidence.

As for my last task which was write a menu for the fortnight, it took until tonight to get an idea of what i wanted to cook for the fortnight, but after having successfully cooking turkey burgers with gluten free bread crumbs and my partner loving them, its given me the confidence to start my keto diet.

This brings me to my three tasks for tomorrow.

1. Stick to the shopping list and do not buy anything i do not need.

2. Get a load of washing on and out to dry.

3. Eat breakfast, luch and tea. Sometimes i struggle to get healthy food into me. Sometimes i forget to eat.

More water needs to be added every day as well. But that has to become a habit. Its not Procrastination, that stops me, but the love of coffee, which i only had two today. Small achievement.

Happy Thursday everyone. Xxx

365 Days of Recovery from Procrastination

Day 5

I was really tired today. I now know that my Procrastination is apart of my depression. Depression is something i have been fighting against for most of my life. Something that sometimes hits me like a tidle wave. Most of the time its just ripples which are easier to deal with.

I live the life of a very positive person, but sometimes i have off days, and today was one of those. I think all the pressure of the bullying that i have been experiencing lately and the fact that my brand new second hand juicer blew up this morning, tipped me over the edge. It is funny how you work up something in your mind, which for me today was to come home and have a fresh celery, apple and pear juice. Only to have it go pear shape. I battled on, threw it all in the bin and decided to buy a brand new juicer. It was enough to get me into my gym gear.

Seeing as task, 1. Was to go to the gym and do one class. Pilates was my chosen class, i am really enjoying the feeling of stretching my body and doing different routines. I also love that i can wear my ugg boots to the class. Bogan i know but they are comfortable in the winter.🧘‍♀️🧦

Task 2 was to clean up my office, but when i came home it all hit me and i had to lay down. A good cry and a little nap. Being aware of how i am tracking with my mental health is very important, not only for myself but those around me too. Naps and tears are somtimes very cleansing. Being good to myself is the key to moving forward.

I got up after about an hour and had a shower, a little bit of chocolate and looked at my task 3 which was to write some more of my “two little wombats”, but my mind was blank, i couldn’t get my brain around it, so i went back to task 2, which was to clean up my office.

The top photo shows my office as it would look like if it was a Chinese laundry. Everything always seems to get piled up in there. Its my space with my quirky likes, with my books, my records, my antique cupboards and my things i have collected over my life. My fiancee has a little bit of space in there, but primarily its my space. Its where i like to write to get my thoughts out.

Today has been a mental health day. I am glad that i recognise when i am running low, instead of letting my ego run me raggered and it all becoming messy again. Its nice that since i started doing my tasks, i am getting to the gym more. Finding the balabce in life is the key to finding your true happyness.

Tomorrow i am spending a part of the day in the hospital while my fiancee has the screws removed from his ankle. When its healed he will be able to dance better at our wedding. 👰🤵

So my tasks tomorrow are to

1. Do some writing, seeing as i have time to kill.

2. Go to the fruit shop and buy some good quality fruit and veg, at a good price. (This particular shop is located in the major shopping center and i dont usually like paying for parking.), but they do have good specials.

3. Set out a menu for the next two weeks so that i am not wondering what to cook for tea everynight. I would like to get into the practice of this so that my shopping bill is smaller.

Happy hump day everyone. Remember to look after your mental health first, before you tackle any big plans. Giving yourself small goals helps to keep us going. Xx

365 Days of Recovery from Procrastination

Day 4

It’s sometimes a hard slog trying to change your habits. Work and life sometimes gets in the way.

I am super tired, work was a long day, i am battling against some bullying from someone who does not deserve my time. I have lived through bullying most of my life. Not only from others but of myself too, but i am ready to show my strength, i am fighting back, but its taking a bit of a toll on my mental health.

Negative thoughts, feelings and others actions make me feel really tired. I know i shouldn’t allow it to effect me, and its part of my growing process, but then at the same time i wish that people would just mind their own business and find their own lives. This is the life of an empath.

I was once called a marter and i didnt know why i would be called that, but when i doctor googled it, i realised that i would rather fall on my sword than to continue fighting against a narcissist. Sometimes it the more simple way of survival in the world, but then sometimes you need to take that sword out of your heart and slay the demons that are trying to take over your life.

Rant over, time to pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with it. Just as i was always taught to do.

So my three tasks today were.

1. Walk my client to the shops.

2. Go to my Pilates class

3. Only have one coffee and drink more water.

I live a honest life, and give honest answers, because that is what i was taught not only as a child, but also within the rooms of AA. So i will always tell the truth about how i have really gone with my tasks.

I have completed all my tasks, except i had two cups of coffee. Late this afternoon, i felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and i just needed to get through the rest of the day.

Excuses i know, but it is something i am going to work on. The excuses that is. After all i am only at day 4. 😁

My walk consisted of pushing my client in her wheelchair up to the local shopping center, instead of driving, which i have been doing recently, because of it being the winter months. I never really realised how hilly my suburb was until i started working in a disability support house and taking out my client out. It is nice that i work so close to home. So close that i can walk there and back if i wanted to, i will start again when it starts warming up.

While i did drink two cups of coffee i did make a conscience decision and made a flask of hot peppermint tea and took my water flask with me, which i finished as well. I found i didnt want to eat as much, after drinking the tea.

I did consider cancelling my pilates class at 5pm, it was getting over cast and started to rain on me as i pulled up to the gym, but i arrived early and used some of my time to sit in their massage chair and let it massage away all my stresses from the day. It made me very sleepy. I had hoped that the pilates class would be a nice calm class with not a lot of leg work. I was very wrong. It was murder through some of it, but thats only because my hips are still hurting, in certain positions.

Its all about practice, and keeping it up, and not giving up.

Tomorrow is a two hour shift at work, and i have the rest of the day off, so i am going to choose three things that are not very hard, but in my mind need to be done.

1. Do at least one class at the gym. Not sure which one yet.

2. Clean up my office and reorganize it, to make it a better work place for me to write.

3. Start working on my “Two little wombats” story that is already started, but fear and Procrastination has stopped me in my tracks, regarding this story. I have a good story, but it needs more meat added to the bones.

Hope everyone has had a wonderful day. Xxx

365 Days of Recovery from Procrastination

Day 3

I think i may have asked to much of myself today. My three tasks were,

1. Complete two gym classes. Hot boxing and hot yoga one after the other. Go back for some Personal training.

2. Rake up the leaves out the back and weed the garden bed against the fence.

3. Clean out the fridge and the pantry.

I have nearly completed all my tasks, but comprises had to be made as well. I remembered this morning i had promised to go over to my father-in-law house, which meant that time in my day would be taken up, so i skipped the hot boxing, went home and started the pantry.

It is amazing how much food we waste, because we have forgotten what we have at the back of the pantry. We had lasagne for tea tonight, because i had two boxes of lasagna sheets that needed to be used. (Sorry deleted the finished pantry photo)

I then headed off to the gym to the hot yoga, where i found out we were really just going to be pretzels. My hips and knee did feel better from the heat, and enabled me to be able to participate in my personal training better. Last week everything was hurting.

The fridge was next, there isn’t much in there, but the shelves were a little terrible and the fruit and veggie containers were full of bits of left over greens. The sauses and jam had spilled as well. Nice and clean again. Hygienic conditions for when i do the shopping in a few days.

Because i make lasagne from scratch, meat and sauce not the pasta it took up a lot of my afternoon, and i was only able to rake up the leaves out the back. It does look nicer.

I also was able to put some washing on and fold the towels off the line. So over all a very productive day.

I have to remember not to let my ego take over and allow me to push myself beyond my limits. I have to also remember not to be too hard on myself, because i am proud of myself for at least tackling 95% of my tasks today.

When we are in recovery, we have to remember to take a day at a time, and Easy does it.

Tomorrow is a busy day for me at work, so i am going to set a smaller more realistic goals for myself.

1. Walk my client, who is in a wheelchair to the shopping center instead of driving. Tracking this so i can see where we have been and how far. (I have been putting this off because of it being winter).

2. Go to a Pilates class in the afternoon. ( i am aiming to get exercises into everyday)

3. Only have one coffee for the day. ( my water consumption is terrible)

Happy Monday everyone. Xxx

365 Days of Recovery from Procrastination

Day 2

Sunday is a day of rest i was told when i was a little girl in sunday school. As an adult i still believe this. I have always enjoyed a Sunday that involves, not much, but because i am trying to rewire my brain into not Procrastinating so much i have to continue this new habit of setting myself three tasks to do everyday.

Today i set myself some easy tasks.

1. Go to the gym to do some Chi ball.

2. Go to the football and hopefully see my team win.

3. Find something healthy to eat at the footy.

I woke up just before 8am and considered canceling my chi ball class, as it was so nice and warm under the doona and it was Sunday morning after all, but i had promised to meet someone there, and i don’t really like canceling on people, because i don’t really like people doing it to me. 😣

I haven’t been to a class in awhile. (Procrastination at its best on a Sunday ), but i am glad i went. Its a brilliant class that helps to keep you focused and moving so that my hips, and knee don’t hurt so much. It hopefully help strengthen them. Exercise i am finding is a great release of pent up energy.

Home again to get ready to head into the city to watch the footy. (Australian rules for those who might be reading this from another part of the world) A game that has you sitting on the edge of your seat most of the time, though today while i watched my favourite football team Geelong, who are sitting on the top of the ladder, lose to my fiancee team Hawthorn, who isn’t even in the top 8. I was able to go and find something healthy for my lunch, which i thought would be impossible, seeing as when i asked my fiancee to get me somthing healthy he brought back two pies. 😂

The Thai beef salad was delicious. And a bottle of water, it was all just the right size. Was it cheap no, but then nothing really is at the footy. I had completed my tasks. I was happy. 😁

Did i treat myself?

Yes, i could not go past a hot jam donut. No pictures needed of that, because it was Sunday and i hadn’t said i wouldnt be completely good. 😝😛

Tomorrow is Monday and i have only got an two hour shift, which i don’t mind as i am trying to find a good work life balace. Something i think will help with my mental health and Procrastination problem.

So my tasks for tomorrow are,

1. Complete two gym classes. Hot boxing and hot yoga one after the other. Go back for some Personal training. 🥊🧘‍♀️💪

2. Rake up the leaves out the back and weed the garden bed against the fence. 🍃🍁☘

3. Clean the fridge and the pantry out. ♻️

I hope everyone one has had a great weekend. 💟

365 days of Recovery from Procrastination

Day 1.

Well i have to say i am impressed with myself today. I set myself the goal yesterday that i would complete three tasks that i had been procrastinating about.

Yesterday i said that i would fix up my potted garden, give the boganvilla a hair cut and i would wash the floors.

Three things i had been putting off, my green bin is now over flowing, and anything else garden wise will have to wait till after Thursday when the bin is emptied, and its not only from the boganvilla but the rose bush i hadn’t trimmed back yet. While the boganvilla is a pain with the nearly 1 cm thorns, i would much rather tackle it than the the extremely thorny roses.😣😭🌹

All the dead leaves have been removed from my pots and they have all had a feed. White oil sprayed to protect from the caterpillars. 🐛 I rearranged all my pots to help them enjoy the winter sun. ☀️

Floors where swept and washed. Jug of dirty water to prove it. Amazing how quickly the floors get dirty, but then we wear our shoes inside and we have a blue heeler and a bullpug who i think sheds more hair than any other dog i know. (Lucky she is cute)😁

Besides those three things i have done today, i have started the process of ordering my wedding flowers and all that intails with that.💐👰 Drove to my nail lady and had my nails fixed.💅 Love gardening gloves, because they are still looking pretty. (My nail lady Lisa told me she would kill me if i ruined my nails so soon after having them done), she does a great job and i had full confidence that i and my nails would be fine.

Now to have a hot shower and go out for a while with friends.

Tomorrow’s tasks i think i will keep simple seeing as it’s Sunday.

1. Go to chi ball at the gym ( would love a long sleep in) 😴😴

2. Head into the city to the MCG to watch my football team Geelong hopefully beat my fiancee’s team Hawthorn. (There’sthat 50/50 chance my team might be tired, but i don’t think they will be.) 😜😁

3. Eat as healthy as i can at the footy. (Now there is a test in its self. 😁🍔😣)

Have a great night everyone. Be happy and safe.

Procrastination

I come home everyday, do the bare minimum and then sit on this couch.

Everyday i think to myself, i need to do all of these things, get rid of the junk accumulating around my house, get into the garden and weed, prune and to feed my over abundance of roses. I think everyday i will go to the gym, i will eat healthy and i will lose the weight i want, before i get married next year. And every day i come home from work and i feel exhausted, its winter here and i use that as an excuse to not go out into the garden, or get my new project done. But then there is always an excuse.

Who am i kidding?

Just myself right?

My head is in my hand and i am shaking my head at the self pity and victim role that is playing out in my head.

I dont like being a victim, dont allow others around me to play that role, i am the most positive person you will ever meet, but then at the same time i am very good at hiding behind that, so no one can see me, just like this picture, you can only see a little bit, the little bit i want you to see.

Procrastination has been a slow and steady decent onto my life. I have seen it coming and haven’t move quick enough out of its way. It has really hit me, now that i am an empty nester and do not have my childs school routine to keep me on my toes.

I know its about routine and changing habits. I have been in recovery from many different things, now i need to be in recovery from procrastination.

Lightbulb moment here and yes it is scary. I need to set myself a challenge, to teach my self not to procrastinate so much.

How do i do this? I have put a lot of thought into this while i have sat on the couch and procrastinated about what to do. My theory is that i have to set myself three tasks per day and complete them, with doing this everyday for a year i will teach my self how to get off my butt and get things done.

Hopefully it will end my Procrastination, and it will improve my mental health and self worth.

Writting in this space, within this community everyday will help me over come my fear of writing too. (Hopefully)😆

Photo evidence has to be provided. Sometimes things are going to over lap, but thats ok, because my garden and the gym never go away. 😂😂

Keeping a virtual diary of my achievements and fails will also keeps me accountable for experiment.

Tomorrow is the 20th of July, my three things i would like to get done are,

1. Fix up my potted garden in the deck area.

2. Cut back my boganvillia

3. Wash the floors in the house.

See you all tomorrow.

Night. Xx

Fear and rejection

Yikes, here we are half way through the year and i haven’t posted anything.

Fear really gets me. All those nagging questions that we ask ourselves, when we embark on this writing journey. Is my writing good enough? Will any body read it? What happens if nobody likes it? Am i going to be pulled up for all my grammar mistakes? Literally i can not remember everything my English teacher taught me. Though i do remember my English teacher’s telling i had talent, but i didn’t believe them, wish i had now.

Rejection really goes hand in hand with that fear factor. I have written a lot of stories over my life and never thought about them being read by others. Even all the lovely comments i got from readers here about my other posts terrified and excited me all at the same time. Fear and rejection again rearing its ugly head. Every day i say to myself just get up and write just a little bit, but most days i find some excuse.

Last week i went to a work shop to help me to better expand my blog, something i had put on hold for awhile while i work on this fear and rejection anxiety, it was a massive eye opener for me to see so many others there in the same place as me. Lightbulb moments were popping in my head like blinding lights.

Fear stepped in when two ladies talked to me about my blog and encouraged me to keep going and all i had really said was that i want to help people in recovery. And not just recovery from addictions but from life as well.

I am in recovery right this minute from my anxiety over being rejected as a writer. I am a great believer in what ever happens happens, but i also realised that procrastinating and allowing fear to rule my life will never get me those writting dreams i always dreamed of.

So finger out of bum, i am getting of the fence and i am facing this fear and rejection on face to face. After all how can i get people to trust and believe in me in me, if i dont trust and believe in myself.

Spirituality

Spirituality is sometimes a confronting word.

What does it mean to you?

For me i believe in a higher power, but i can not quit say GOD!

When i was little, i went to Sunday school, at St Margrates church hall in my little home town. One sunday we went down to the local police station for a meet and greet, we were all horrified when one of the policemen ruffed up the sunday school teacher and threw him in the jail cell. The policeman looked at us and said “that is what happens, if you get into trouble with the law!”, to this day besides a few speeding and parking tickets i have never been in trouble with the police.

I did religious instruction in school and was taught about God and his son. In my family we were not forced to go, we only went if we wanted to.

I never understood the bible, still think some of it is rubbish, but used it to my advantage when i wrote a year 12 A paper on the Anglican female nuns who wanted to become ministers. As i needed a quote from the bible about us all being equals. The minister was very happy to help.

St Margrates church hall was were i found myself one June evening in 2013, waiting for the meeting to open. I sat outside wondering why i was there. I had been sober for 18 years by this stage and thought that i didnt need to go, but my mother had thought it was a good idea, i was struggling with being back in Victoria and she thought i could make friends with new people.

When i entered the hall it was like stepping back into time. I was five years old again. I also knew that my own father had sat in this hall for the same reason i was that night.

I made myself coffee, chattered with the other members, i had a brave shell around me, but i was terrified on the inside. I sat at the table, looked up at the 12 steps and traditions, thought to myself “i dont know if i have to that”, but really i did.

I thought about all the God words up on those banners, and thought i dont believe in God. I now know that everyone grapples with the God word when they come in to the rooms for the first time.

Just the other day, i had a friend say to me that i should change the words of the 12 steps to omit the word God and replace it with higher power, in my posts on my Facebook page. He said it was off putting. I told him that for us all in the beginning its off putting, but why change something that works.

It says a God of our understanding. For the first 18 years of my sobriety my God, my understanding was my parents. I didn’t want to disappoint or shame them again because of my addictive nature.

I think through out the years of white knuckling sobriety, i knew that there were spirits or a higher power watching over me. I could be completely desperate for something good to happen, i would be at my wits end and at the 11th hour my miracle would happen.

My gratitude would be in abundance, but then i would let myself get back to that desperate state again. My instincts were very good too. My gut usually helped guide me in the right direction. Sometimes i would make a mistake, but now i know, it was my higher power at work.

When i had my break down, i knew it had all disappeared and i felt completely lost and extremely empty. Once again my higher power and the universe were teaching me a lesson.

When i sat in St Margrates church hall and listened to the stories of the miracle that was AA, i came to believe that the was a power greater than me at work.

Do i believe its God? I dont know it could be, but then that could be because i was raised as an anglican and thats what i was taught. I have looked at different religious groups and i realise that all though they believe in a different entity, they are all praying for the same thing, PEACE AND HARMONY, for all man kind.

Our disease does not discriminate between people, regardless of their, sex, race, religion or social standing. We are the same. We have been powerless over our addictions and we have found a God or a higher power of our own understanding to help guide us through our recovery.

What ever spiritually is to you, cherish it and nourish it, to help you be where you need to be in this world.